i am going to be honest.
i loved from the depth of everything that is created in me. and. i still do. i was never honest about how the other girls made me feel. about how much it actually hurt. see. you always had the oppurtunity to say that you arent happy and these are the things/reasons why.
it was a hard look. a hard realization. when each and every girl left. there was some reason or something that they had that you wanted me to have.
R. was giving.
C. was the baby's mother.
J. was so nice.
M. was a good mother. great cook. wanted to move to the mountains. wanted to have a lot of sex.
Am1. great singer. young. until she stole from you, she was in there.
4-5 different girls at work. take your pick.
Laq. could. would buy anything. even a car. and . loving...i think.
Rae. the artist. so full of life. young. talented. wnjoyed talking about & wants to have a lot of sex.
A. young. semi-fresh perspective. want to take on the world. but no real direction.
Am2. nurturing. giving. not selfish. loving. wants to have a lot of sex
Bri. "the real woman" she works. has a different culture. and talks about sex alot
these are the ones that i remember. the others. are irrelevant. to my memory that is.
in all these situations. there was 1 thing missing.
respect. that lack of. its crazy to think that many of them didnt even know me. that i existed. or that their odea of me is the 1 that you gave. how selfish i am. how unloving i am. how much of a woman i am not. the crazy antics that i supposedly did. i remember when you dislocated your pinky on the ironing board in the room. man, you were frantic. you called me and i calmed you down and told you that i was coming right on. we called chelsea and even though she had a test she came right on. it was kinda funny bc of how you were. then you had to wear that little splint.
then i found out that you had told rae that you were at your house and hurt yourself and you had to call "stupid courtney to help you. i hate to see her."
or when you told Am2 that i am a crazy bitch and that i kissed all over you when you came around and that you only stay be cause i have nothing else.
or when you told A that i was stalking you and that i was showing up at YOUR house. and she sent that email to buddy mcrandom and thought it was me. and then you supposedly broke it off with her too. but that was a lie. i found out later what you told her.
and with this last 1. who obviously also thinks that i am this crazy bitch. although you jumped up at me and pushed me into the wall, while i had her on the phone. she said that she didnt believe me because things weren't adding up. at that point i knew. you had a completely different life. and im sure that im still the crazy bitch that you have made me out to be.
the thing is, you for the umphteenth time called someone your girl. and you were serious. dee is your friend. ebony is your friend. and you define them as such. but you have effectively removed any reminance of me. so. i effectively do not exist.
i will not say that you dont know how that feels. because i am sure that you do. i will not take that away from you. no matter how much i say that everyone that i know, knows that you and i are together, if you do feel it then its irrelevant. we have both have trust issues. unfortunately mine are tied directly to my emotions. and i need that. to feel safe. i thrive on that. and the one thing that you say that you wanted from me, was tied to that. i wanted it to be the tennessee vs. uconn type. not the xavier vs. nebraska. i mean we will watch them but it doesnt feel the same. i sometimes felt that you didnt place as much emphasis on that
i loved from the depth of everything that is created in me. and. i still do. i was never honest about how the other girls made me feel. about how much it actually hurt. see. you always had the oppurtunity to say that you arent happy and these are the things/reasons why.
it was a hard look. a hard realization. when each and every girl left. there was some reason or something that they had that you wanted me to have.
R. was giving.
C. was the baby's mother.
J. was so nice.
M. was a good mother. great cook. wanted to move to the mountains. wanted to have a lot of sex.
Am1. great singer. young. until she stole from you, she was in there.
4-5 different girls at work. take your pick.
Laq. could. would buy anything. even a car. and . loving...i think.
Rae. the artist. so full of life. young. talented. wnjoyed talking about & wants to have a lot of sex.
A. young. semi-fresh perspective. want to take on the world. but no real direction.
Am2. nurturing. giving. not selfish. loving. wants to have a lot of sex
Bri. "the real woman" she works. has a different culture. and talks about sex alot
these are the ones that i remember. the others. are irrelevant. to my memory that is.
in all these situations. there was 1 thing missing.
respect. that lack of. its crazy to think that many of them didnt even know me. that i existed. or that their odea of me is the 1 that you gave. how selfish i am. how unloving i am. how much of a woman i am not. the crazy antics that i supposedly did. i remember when you dislocated your pinky on the ironing board in the room. man, you were frantic. you called me and i calmed you down and told you that i was coming right on. we called chelsea and even though she had a test she came right on. it was kinda funny bc of how you were. then you had to wear that little splint.
then i found out that you had told rae that you were at your house and hurt yourself and you had to call "stupid courtney to help you. i hate to see her."
or when you told Am2 that i am a crazy bitch and that i kissed all over you when you came around and that you only stay be cause i have nothing else.
or when you told A that i was stalking you and that i was showing up at YOUR house. and she sent that email to buddy mcrandom and thought it was me. and then you supposedly broke it off with her too. but that was a lie. i found out later what you told her.
and with this last 1. who obviously also thinks that i am this crazy bitch. although you jumped up at me and pushed me into the wall, while i had her on the phone. she said that she didnt believe me because things weren't adding up. at that point i knew. you had a completely different life. and im sure that im still the crazy bitch that you have made me out to be.
the thing is, you for the umphteenth time called someone your girl. and you were serious. dee is your friend. ebony is your friend. and you define them as such. but you have effectively removed any reminance of me. so. i effectively do not exist.
i will not say that you dont know how that feels. because i am sure that you do. i will not take that away from you. no matter how much i say that everyone that i know, knows that you and i are together, if you do feel it then its irrelevant. we have both have trust issues. unfortunately mine are tied directly to my emotions. and i need that. to feel safe. i thrive on that. and the one thing that you say that you wanted from me, was tied to that. i wanted it to be the tennessee vs. uconn type. not the xavier vs. nebraska. i mean we will watch them but it doesnt feel the same. i sometimes felt that you didnt place as much emphasis on that
